Overrated
by Eaten Alive By Boredom
Summary: Life is overrated; one minute you want to live and then the next you don't. You want to continue on but you feel like you have nothing to live for. But when your life is ripped away from you, you realize just how badly you really wanted it. [told in Takeru's POV!] Dedicated to those who didn't make it to 2015.
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Digimon.**

**_I had to take it down and repost it because FanFiction kept saying it wasn't there._**

_**So, I'm still working on my other stories (I can promise you that), but I decided to post this one as well. It's only about a 10 or 12 chapter fic, rather than the longer 25-30 chapter fics that my other stories are planed to be.**_

**TRIGGER WARNING! This story contains mild self-harm, suicidal thoughts and a suicidal attempt. If you can't handle triggering content, then this story is not for you. You have been warned.**

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><p><em>Life is overrated; one minute you want to live and then the next you don't. You want to continue on but you feel like you have nothing to live for. But when your life is ripped away from you, you realize just how badly you really wanted it.<em>

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><p><strong>Prologue:<strong>

Life is overrated.

And I'm not even kidding either. One minute you want to live and then the next you don't. You want to continue on but you feel like you have nothing to live for.

And it's stupid.

I hated my life. I really did. I mean, sure, everything looked fine on the outside, but if you took the time to read between the lines, you'd realized it was just the opposite. Everything seemed alright, but the truth is, I was being pushed to my limits.

I was a ticking time bomb just moments away from exploding.

And I was falling apart.

I was so just afraid. I was too afraid of what they'll think of me after they knew. Once they knew all of my pain, they might've caused more. Once they knew what I did to myself, they would've called for outside help—help that I didn't need. Once they knew what's going on, they would've only butted in.

Or maybe they would just turn me away...

I'm going to be honest here; I've felt like this for years.

I've hated myself.

I can't exactly remember why—I only remember the pain, the regret, and the tears. And I remember that it felt like hell to me.

Actually, it still feels like hell to me.

No one knew the real me. No one knew what was going on inside my head. They didn't need to. My life was exactly that; my life, not theirs. And when they asked, I shut them out. All I was doing was slowly pushing them away from me.

Mom.

Dad.

Onii-chan.

Everyone.

Gone.

Everything happened so quickly; all a blur that I can't remember.

So now you know that I was living in hell, and you know I couldn't find peace, but you don't know why.

Actually, I don't either…

I bet you're confused.

Well, you see, I—

I'm not exactly sure how to put this.

It's kind of hard to say.

Okay, I'll just say it.

It's just like ripping a band aid off; just say it quick and painlessly.

Don't even think about it.

Okay, here I go.

I'm dead.

No, don't make that face, don't shed your tears, and don't even get upset. It's not a big deal.

I'm just dead.

It's as simple as that.

I'm dead.

Not alive.

Not breathing.

Not blinking.

Not bleeding.

Not living.

Just dead.

And it sucks.

It really freaking sucks.

And just looking back at it, thinking, I only realized just how badly I really wanted to live when my life was ripped away from me...

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><p><em><strong>This chapter isn't really triggering, but later chapters will. I hope you enjoyed~! :3 Don't forget to tell me what you think, good or bad, I don't care.<strong>_

**EABB.**


	2. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Digimon.**

_**A big thank you to Digidestined Ninja of Sunshine for helping me write this chapter. She's amazing guys.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong>

Five years ago, if you were to tell me that I would die before the age of sixteen, I would've never believed you.

But here I am, just barely fifteen, watching my own casket slowly being lowered into the ground.

This isn't some dumb cliché funeral either. It's not raining, the sun is blazing down on everyone, they're miserable and dressed in black, everyone looks terrible from crying.

Speaking of crying.

It hurts seeing all my friends and family crying over me. Hikari leaning on Daisuke's shoulder, hiding her tears with her hands as he comforts her, tears of his own streaming down his cheeks. Ken comforting Miyako as Iori cries silently beside her. Koushiro helping Sora stay strong, holding on arm around her as she sobs into her hands. Joe letting Mimi know everything will be alright. Mom crying into Dad's shirt as he hugs her tight, trying to look strong.

Taichi places a hand on my brother's shoulder, causing him to turn to the boy. The brunet sends him a reassuring smile, though his eyes are red and puffy from his recent tears.

I can't tell whether or not Yamato is crying, but then again, I don't think I've ever seen him cry before.

I'm not worth their tears.

I watch everything from afar, hidden behind a tree nearby, though I know none of them can see me. I'm still able to see and hear everything.

I want to walk over and tell him that everything will be okay; that in the end, this is for the best.

"I'm sorry Matt," Taichi tries. "None of us knew he was hurting…"

Yamato won't listen; he doesn't want to.

And he's right.

It wasn't suppose to happen like that.

"He always held a smile on his face." Hikari tries to hold in her tears. It's not working.

Yamato refuses to look at them, he's gazing down and pretending to find something about his shoes.

They all fell silent, with an occasional sniffle or two.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home, Nancy?"

My attention turns to Dad as he helps Mom to her car.

"It's fine, Hiroaki, really." Mom flashes him a saddened smile as she gets in the vehicle.

"You sure?"

"Yeah?"

Dad slowly closes Mom's car door, sending her a smile that mirrors hers before turning away and sending her off.

She watches him go, and slowly, that heartbreaking smile fades. For a second, I think she's going to cry, but I'm proved wrong when she slides her keys into the ignition and the car roars to life.

Funny, at least the car is alive.

Not wanting her to leave just yet, I move my hand over the door to the handle, trying to open it up.

My transparent hand veers right through.

Panic filters through me. She can't leave. I fumble around for an idea for a few nerve-wracking moments when the cobwebs in my brain scatter and it hits me like a train.

Oh, right.

I can go through it.

If I could sigh, I would've.

Now I'm sitting in the middle of the back seat.

_"Mom,"_ I want to say.

She looks into the rearview mirror before backing up, and it breaks my heart to know she will never be able to see me. The miserable glint in her eyes fills me with sorrow.

Mom shifts the car into drive and eases her foot onto the gas. Her silence begins to scare me, but then I realize she's only being silent because there's no one to talk to. Maybe she prefers it that way.

The whole ride is filled with nothing but traffic sounds and children screaming for a reason unknown. It reminds me of when I was a kid. When we'd go on trips, and I'd fall asleep in the backseat to the sound of rain pouring outside with Yamato sitting next to me.

Only it isn't raining.

And we aren't on a trip.

And our family isn't together anymore.

Thinking about it makes me frown. Maybe in the afterlife I'll be able to see what it'd be like if Mom and Dad didn't split up? Am I even going to make it to the afterlife?

Mom pulls into the parking spot she normally takes and puts the car in park. She kills the engine, but doesn't get out of the car immediately. Instead she sits there for a while, staring off into space, her eyes glazed over the way they usually get when she's lost in her thoughts.

My eyes immediately fix themselves on the driver's side window as a loud knock is heard.

Miyako is standing there, wearing a black dress that looks nice on her, but at the same time, it doesn't fit her. Maybe it's because of the tear-stains on her face. Or maybe it's because I've never seen her wear such dark colors.

Her hair is pinned up out of her face and her glasses are slightly foggy, making it evident that she had been crying.

But despite all of that, there is a tearful smile tugging at her lips.

She opens the driver's side door. "Need any help, Takaishi-san?"

"Thank you, Miyako, but I'll be just fine," Mom replies, getting out of the car.

"Are you sure?" Miyako presses.

Mom doesn't answer this time. She stares at Miyako soundlessly. I can see her lip trembling, as though she's holding back tears.

Her eyes get all wet and puffy. Seeing her tears breaks my heart, but I know there's nothing I can do about it, and that thought kills me.

Miyako seems to take the matters into her own hands, though, as she extends her arms and pulls Mom into a tight embrace.

And that's when she finally starts to cry.

All I can do is watch as Miyako starts to comfort her. I wish I was the one holding her, wish I was the one that was wiping away her tears.

But then again, if it wasn't for me, then she wouldn't be crying in the first place.

Seconds turn into minutes, and then the minutes begin to add up. I don't know when Miyako slowly let go of Mom and helped her get her things before they headed for the stairs.

I reach for the door handle again, failing to grasp ahold of it.

Man, I'm forgetful.

I slide right through the door as if it were open, leaving it and the car behind as I follow after.

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><p>Somehow I ended up at Yamato and Dad's apartment. And in doing so, I entered during a long, awkward silence.<p>

"Why would he do it?" Yamato finally speaks up. It takes a moment for me to realize that he's talking about me.

"I don't know, son," Dad replies. "It was all so sudden; he didn't tell anyone anything."

Another silence stretches between them—between us. I wish I could say something to ease the tension, but I know I can't.

"I could have stopped him." His voice falters.

Dad gives Yamato a stern glance; a look that basically says stop. "Matt, don't you start that nonsense again. None of us could have done anything. He was so secretive about everything."

"No, Dad. I could've done something. I could've answered my phone when he called. I ignored it; I ignored_ him_."

"Matt—"

"Dad, he needed me and I let him down. Now he's gone."

"Son, you need to stop blaming yourself."

"He called me, Dad, _me_. He was calling out for my help and I blew him off to hang out with my _stupid_ band."

Dad shakes his head. "When he called you, he had already taken all those pills—"

"So!" Yamato counters. "I could've—"

"Yamato Ishida, that is enough. There was nothing you, or anyone else for that matter, could have done. Stop punishing yourself."

Yamato grows silent for a moment, staring at his shoes. "Do you know how scared I was when I found him?" He finds the words to say. "When there was blood all over the bathroom; _his_ blood? When he was still bleeding_ out_ from the wrists? When he wouldn't respond? When he was barely breathing? Do you know the anxiety and the fear I felt as I waited for the paramedics to get there? The _anger_ I felt when the police closed his apartment off and treated it like a crime scene? And do you know how hard it was to tell you and Mom what happened? Seeing the tears on Mom's face as she arrived home..."

No, that wasn't what happened. Onii-chan…

_Takeru…_

That is one of the familiar voices that always tries to make me leave.

They've told me that the dead aren't meant to stay with the living. The back of my mind knows this, but is refusing to accept it.

T_akeru, you have to leave…_

No, I won't.

I can't.

Not until I tell him.

_Takeru, you need to pass on…_

But I can't. I can't find the will to. I can't leave Yamato. Not my family and friends, not like this. I have to tell them what happened. I have to tell them it was an accident.

_"Matt!"_ I try calling to him, but he can't hear me. He'll never hear me.

_Come, child; it's time to go…_

_"No! I can't leave yet!"_

My vision is beginning to blur as I fight against the forces pulling me away from my family and friends. As if the dead can actually cry; that surprised.

_"I'm not ready!"_ I scream, holding onto whatever I can. _"Matt! I'm sorry! It was an accident!"_

"I know my brother, Dad," Yamato says.

The forces are growing stronger.

No!

_"Matt!"_

"He wouldn't just _kill_ himself!"

That's the last thing I heard before being pulled to the other side.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you to <em>Digidestined Ninja of Sunshine_ and _Pink-haired Lady_ for reviewing!_**

**_And thank you to you favs and followers! You guys are awesome! :)_**

**EABB.**


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